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The Total Recall |
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| Artist touch: It probably took me longer to do some of my goofy drawings then it took these guys to do this generic character in a hockey mask here. Cover art rating: 2/10 |
Month
it won: December 2006
(Sega, 1986) |
Special note: This
is one of the few SMS games that requires the horrible Sega Sports Pad
controller.
|
| Introduction and Story: |
 For
the final part in my Sega Master System Dud of the Month series
I wanted to find a game that was as bad as some of the worst games found
on the Nintendo Entertainment System (like that super lame Fisher
Price Firehouse Rescue game for example). Since there were
less SMS games released overall compared to the NES I didn't think I would
find a game that balls breaking horrible but then I played some of these
so called Sega Great sport games here. None of the seven Great sports
were that good or that popular but Great Ice Hockey here is an
absolute nightmare. |
| Controls and Game Play: |
| Here's
the problem: the thing that made other popular NES hockey games (like
Blades of Steel and Nintendo's Ice Hockey) so fun to play
is that you can easily pick up and play them on those standard controllers.
Sega's Great Ice Hockey though actually needs the very unsuccessful Sports
Pad Controller to play it. What's this Sports Pad you ask? Well, I wanted to get one of these special but bulky trackball devices for myself since it is one of the rarer controllers for the system but there is a very good reason why there were so few of them made: it sucks! I was hoping I could do a bunch of amazing tricks like being able skate pass my opponents from some killer angles but instead all I got was some slow unresponsive mess here. Rolling the ball like crazy barely moves your player and the game is always switching which one your in control of almost randomly so both the game and controller are at fault. Track balls worked perfect for arcade game like Tempest and Missile Command because you can get that instant burst of speed but what the hell happened here? |
| Graphics and Sounds: | |
 Honestly, does this look exciting to you? |
As
if the controls weren't bad enough but even the game's presentation is
underwhelming here. The game gets off to a really bad start when I saw
the ugly light blue and pink colours in the title screen. Is this the
Little Ladies Hockey League here? The game itself doesn't look that bad
in all areas though and there is even 5 on 5 here just like real hockey
but it doesn't even have any traditional side scrolling like in most titles
so you have to constantly and annoyingly switch screens during actual
game play. NHL Hockey (thankfully this is not licensed by the NHL by the way) is famous for it's intense organ and various fighting licensed tracks like Queen's We Will Rock You. Sadly, you won't be hearing anything cool like that here because this lame comical soundtrack is so hokey that it was rejected from the game Quartet. This is hockey, a very violent and physical sport here and it deserves more intense music! |
| The Bottomline: | |
| If
you are looking for some intense, hard hitting hockey action and you have
a Master System at home then you should really try out Sega's Slap
Shot. Although Slap Shot has it's problems with flickers, some bad
graphics, and being one of the final titles released for the machine but
hey, at least I could play it. This game however does everything wrong.
Not only do you need one of the crappiest video game accessories ever
made just to move around anywhere (you can play with the regular controllers
but it's just as painful) but the game looks and sound dreadful as well.
Great Ice Hockey is not only another bad game in the abysmal 'Great' series
but with it's horrific controls it is definitely one of, if not, the worst
SMS video games ever made. Do I even need to go any further: 00 out of
100! On a final note thank you all for reading my special 12 part SMS and NES Dud of the Month Series! It wasn't easy (especially since a lot of them were about as must fun as drinking my own urine) but is was still fun to trash on them and draw the girls over there (heh heh) too so it wasn't all bad. I have a list of the other losers below. |
 Please Master, do anything you want just no more Great Ice Hockey. |
| Conclusion: | |
*Requires the Sports Pad Controller
GREAT ICE HOCKEY overall rating: 00/100 Find this game on eBay here! For 1 player only graphics: 1/10 sound: 1/10 gameplay: 1/10 replay: 0/10 -StarSoldier (Ryan Genno) 2006 See other Total Recall duds of the month |
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|
2006 Duds (July - December): SMS Dud Series |
2006
Duds (January - June): NES Dud Series
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ZELDA
II: The Adventures of Link (Nes) |