(1993 - 1994)

Throw me a bone!

Almost every gamer out there knows about the insanely popular Nintendo Entertainment System, eh? I still say it is one of the best gaming console ever made and on August 8, 2006 I managed to do the impossible and find every licensed Nintendo ever made (that's about 700 games and yes, I'm really F N nuts). Not everyone may have heard about the much rarer Top Loader nick named the Nes2 though? Since I already did a review on the older Nes here is a new review on this cool little Nes2 machine here and why the special extras may interest you.

The original Nes box-like design may have looked interesting and different enough to help us get the bad taste of the Atari 2600 out of our mouths in 1985 but sadly it wasn't always too cartridge friendly. Sometimes it could take several tries before some one could get a game to work and who can forget the constant blinking and different swear words if it didn't work, eh? The Top Loader Nes2 system here on the other hand was so effective though that it eliminates that annoying problem once and for all. Just pop it in and turn the power on you should be good to go. If your cart is in bad shape it still won't work but at least you'll know it was the game and not the system this time.

Another cool thing about the Nes2 was it is a lot smaller, lighter, and sleeker now too. The thing was only 1/3 of the size of the huge original lunch box-like unit (about the same as a standard box of snack crackers) so it takes up much less room now. The Nes2 also comes with some new controllers. These controllers still have all the standard features like the cross pad, 2 option and action buttons like before but now the whole thing is shaped like a dog bone (nothing wrong with a good bone, eh?) for whatever reason. OK, the design was a bit weird but they were still far more comfortable then the older more blocky rectangle ones.

If there's any downsides to the Nes2 here and it's beautiful simple design here is the fact that's it still just a mere 8-bit machine after all and there are no video outlets either. If you are use to playing the current gaming consoles you'll definitely be disappointed with this system's lack of colours (there are only 16 colours on screen at a time and the game's overall can look quite bland) and the Nes2 definitely couldn't handle anything too fancy like computer generated visuals, full motion video, online play, or CD quality sound. Although it was a shame the video outlet were removed and the system is no longer compatible with a Game Genie either, that's a small price for a more effective and easy to use gaming system.

Sure, finding of one of these beauties can be harder then me after watching the Spice channel but if you are a fan of the legendary Nintendo Entertainment System and those famous games that are hard to get out of your head (like Super Mario Brothers, Mega Man, Castlevania, and my personal favourite the Guardian Legend) then the sleek Nes Top Loader is an absolute must have. Beside loading from the top is way easier then loading from the side if you know what I mean (there goes the rest of my religious readers).

Nes2 overall rating: 95/100

Find this system on eBay here!

Rare Scale: 5/10
It's harder to find one in mint shape than it was a few years ago so if you find one in good shape you better pick it before it is too late.

Top Ten Sexiest NES games:
Feeling naughty? Since I already did a Top 30 list in my previous review here is a list of some of the sexiest NES I ever played. You highly religious types may want to read something else by the way.

10. Athena
Say what you want about this hard and sometimes unfair game here but I always thought Athena's cover art was very cool because it features her topless as a mermaid. The Japanese cover art was awesome too because it features her in a hot little two piece outfit.

9. Wurm
Sure the game sucks but if the cute heroine wants to run around dangerous underground caverns while she wears no pants that's fine by me.

The Legendary Wings
This intense shooter actually features playable characters in pink and light blue tights. Oh, did I mention both the players were dudes here? Don't worry ladies I haven't forgot about you.

7. Menace Beach
This game got into a lot of trouble for having a girl chained up in the intermissions and then haven't her clothes shrink the further you get into the game. Despite how kinky it sounds it's really no big deal. Another weird thing about this NES game was it actually got turned into a Christian-friendly game called Sunday Funday believe it or not.

6. Poker 5 in 1
Here is a rare and fun unlicensed game where you try to rake in cash but playing several challenges. The Poker games even let you see girls slowly strip away their clothes the more cash you win.

5. Contra
Girls like the bad boys and they don't get any badder then the shirtless, gun loving muscle heads from the intense Contra game here.

4. Peek-a-boo Poker
Although a Poker video game doesn't sound too exciting, the nude girls here certainly do.

3. Hot Slots
Expect a lot of 'slot' jokes in this game.

2. Bubble Bath Babes
Although in these adult NES you usually have to play through a lot of the unlock the juicy stuff, here in this game there is a nude girl in sexy pose always at the bottom of the screen. Got to love that, eh?

Normally Nintendo themselves are pretty strict about having anything too offensive or sexual in their video games but they are human too and this is proof they like to get it on as well. Metroid was your typical (but well done) action platformer that starred bounty hunter Samus Aran that's on a mission to destroy life sucking Metroids. Oddly enought if you got one of the good endings you'll see this tough hunter was actually a chick and a rather hot one at that. The original Metroid also lets you play the game when Samus is only in a swimsuit and one of the endings lets you see her in a sexy little bikini too.


-Ryan Genno

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