The Total Recall


Artist touch: It probably took me longer to do some of my goofy drawings then it took these guys to do this generic character in a hockey mask here. Cover art rating: 2/10
Month it won: December 2006

(Sega, 1986)
Special note: This is one of the few SMS games that requires the horrible Sega Sports Pad controller.
Introduction and Story:
For the final part in my Sega Master System Dud of the Month series I wanted to find a game that was as bad as some of the worst games found on the Nintendo Entertainment System (like that super lame Fisher Price Firehouse Rescue game for example). Since there were less SMS games released overall compared to the NES I didn't think I would find a game that balls breaking horrible but then I played some of these so called Sega Great sport games here. None of the seven Great sports were that good or that popular but Great Ice Hockey here is an absolute nightmare.
Controls and Game Play:
Here's the problem: the thing that made other popular NES hockey games (like Blades of Steel and Nintendo's Ice Hockey) so fun to play is that you can easily pick up and play them on those standard controllers. Sega's Great Ice Hockey though actually needs the very unsuccessful Sports Pad Controller to play it.

What's this Sports Pad you ask? Well, I wanted to get one of these special but bulky trackball devices for myself since it is one of the rarer controllers for the system but there is a very good reason why there were so few of them made: it sucks! I was hoping I could do a bunch of amazing tricks like being able skate pass my opponents from some killer angles but instead all I got was some slow unresponsive mess here. Rolling the ball like crazy barely moves your player and the game is always switching which one your in control of almost randomly so both the game and controller are at fault. Track balls worked perfect for arcade game like Tempest and Missile Command because you can get that instant burst of speed but what the hell happened here?
Graphics and Sounds:  

Honestly, does this look exciting to you?
As if the controls weren't bad enough but even the game's presentation is underwhelming here. The game gets off to a really bad start when I saw the ugly light blue and pink colours in the title screen. Is this the Little Ladies Hockey League here? The game itself doesn't look that bad in all areas though and there is even 5 on 5 here just like real hockey but it doesn't even have any traditional side scrolling like in most titles so you have to constantly and annoyingly switch screens during actual game play.

NHL Hockey (thankfully this is not licensed by the NHL by the way) is famous for it's intense organ and various fighting licensed tracks like Queen's We Will Rock You. Sadly, you won't be hearing anything cool like that here because this lame comical soundtrack is so hokey that it was rejected from the game Quartet. This is hockey, a very violent and physical sport here and it deserves more intense music!
The Bottomline:  
If you are looking for some intense, hard hitting hockey action and you have a Master System at home then you should really try out Sega's Slap Shot. Although Slap Shot has it's problems with flickers, some bad graphics, and being one of the final titles released for the machine but hey, at least I could play it. This game however does everything wrong. Not only do you need one of the crappiest video game accessories ever made just to move around anywhere (you can play with the regular controllers but it's just as painful) but the game looks and sound dreadful as well. Great Ice Hockey is not only another bad game in the abysmal 'Great' series but with it's horrific controls it is definitely one of, if not, the worst SMS video games ever made. Do I even need to go any further: 00 out of 100!

On a final note thank you all for reading my special 12 part SMS and NES Dud of the Month Series! It wasn't easy (especially since a lot of them were about as must fun as drinking my own urine) but is was still fun to trash on them and draw the girls over there (heh heh) too so it wasn't all bad. I have a list of the other losers below.

Please Master, do anything you want just no more Great Ice Hockey.
*Requires the Sports Pad Controller

overall rating: 00/100
Find this game on eBay here!

For 1 player only
graphics: 1/10
sound: 1/10
gameplay: 1/10
replay: 0/10

(Ryan Genno) 2006

See other Total Recall duds of the month

2006 Duds (July - December): SMS Dud Series

2006 Duds (January - June): NES Dud Series


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